昨日はバタバタと忙しく仕事が終わった段階でチョッと食事に・・・・・
なんてチョッとのつもりがいつもの居酒屋さんにて朝まで飲んだくれ・・・・・・
だって・・ビールがとてもとてもおいしく感じられ・・
一杯のつもりが
いっぱいになっちゃった。 ふぅ～
色んなバカ話をしながら時間がたつのを忘れ、気が付けば明るい空・・・・・ビックリです。
そのときに色んな事を話したのですがこれは紹介したいと言うお話があったのでご紹介いたします。
とあるHPにあったとても心温まるお話でしたので・・・・時間があったら読んでみてください。
実話を元にした鏡の法則と言うお話です。
明日からチョッと出張行ってきますのでブログの更新は土曜日からまた再開いたします。
「鏡の法則」 野口嘉則
（このお話は実話ですが、登場人物の職業などを多少変え
てストーリーを設定しています）
Ａ子（主婦、41歳）には悩みがあった。
小学校５年生になる息子が、学校でいじめられるのだ。
いじめられるといっても、暴力まではふるわれないらしい。
友達から仲間はずれにされたり、何かあると悪者扱いされた
りすることが多いようだ。息子は、「いじめられてるわけじゃ
ない」と言い張っているが、息子を見ていると、寂しそうな
ので、Ａ子は胸が痛むのだ。
息子は野球が好きなのだが、友達から野球に誘ってもらえな
いので、学校から帰ってきたら一人で公園に行って、壁と
キャッチボールをしている。２年くらい前には、息子が友達
といっしょに野球をしていた時期もある。当時のことなのだ
が、Ａ子が買い物の帰りに小学校の横を通りかかったとき、
グランドで息子が友達と野球をしていた。息子がエラーをし
たらしく、周りからひどく責められていた。
チームメイト達は、容赦なく大きな声で息子を責めた。
「お前、運動神経がにぶ過ぎだぞ！」
「お前のせいで３点も取られたじゃないか！」
「負けたらお前のせいだぞ！」
Ａ子は思った。
「たしかに息子の運動能力は高くない。しかし、息子には
息子のいいところがある。とても心が優しい子なのに。」
Ａ子は、自分の息子のいいところが認められていないことが、
悔しかった。そして、ひどいことを言うチームメイト達に対
して、自分の息子が笑顔で謝っているのを見るのが辛かった。
その後まもなく、息子は野球に誘われなくなった。
「お前はチームの足を引っぱるから誘わん」と言われたらし
い。息子にとって、野球に誘ってもらえないことが、一番つ
らいようだ。Ａ子へのやつ当たりが目立って増えたことから
も、それがわかる。
しかし息子は、辛さや寂しさを決して話してはくれなかった。
Ａ子にとって一番辛いのは、息子が心を開いてくれないこと
だった。
「僕は平気だ」と言い張るばかりなのだ。
Ａ子が、「友達との上手な関わり方」を教えようと試みても、
「うるさいな！ほっといてよ」と言ってくる。
「転校しようか？」と持ちかけた時は、「そんなことをした
ら、一生うらむよ！」と言い返してきた。
息子の状況に対して、自分が何もしてやれないことが情けな
く、Ａ子は無力感に陥っていた。そしてある日、学校から帰
宅して公園に行ったばかりの息子が、不機嫌な顔で帰ってき
た。「何があったの？」と聞いても、「何もない」と言って
教えてくれない。
真相は一本の電話で明らかになった。
その夜、親しくしているご近所の奥さんから電話がかかって
きたのだ。
「Ａ子さん、○○○君（Ａ子の息子の名前）から、何か聞い
てる？」
「えっ？いいえ」
「今日、公園でうちの下の子どもをブランコに乗せていたの
よ。○○○君は、いつもの壁にボールを投げて遊び始めたわ。
するとね、○○○君のクラスメイトらしい子たちが７、８人
くらいやって来てね、『ドッジボールするからじゃまだ！』
って○○○君に言うのよ。しかも、その中の１人がボールを
○○○君にぶつけたのよ。○○○君、すぐに帰っていったわ。
私としては、その場で何もできなくて、申し訳なかったと思
ってね。」
Ａ子は愕然とした。
「そんなことを私に黙っていたなんて。」
そんなつらい思いをしていながら、自分に何も言ってくれな
いことが悲しかった。その日は、あらためて息子から聞き出
そうという気力も湧いてこなかった。
翌日、Ａ子はある人に電話をかけることを決意した。
その人とは、夫の先輩に当たるＢ氏だ。
Ａ子は、Ｂ氏とは話したこともないのだが、１週間前に夫か
らＢ氏の名刺を渡された。
Ｂ氏は、夫が高校時代に通っていた剣道の道場の先輩である。
夫も２０年くらい会っていなかったらしいが、夫が最近街を
歩いていたら、たまたまばったりと出会ったということだっ
た。久々の再会に盛り上がって喫茶店に入り、２時間も話し
たらしい。Ｂ氏は、今は経営コンサルタントを仕事にしてい
るそうだ。夫の話では、Ｂ氏は心理学にも詳しく、企業や個人
の問題解決を得意としているとのこと。そこで夫が息子のこと
を少し話したら、「力になれると思うよ。」と言って名刺を
渡してくれたそうだ。
夫は、その日、「お前の方から直接電話してみろよ。話を通し
ておいてやったから」と、その名刺を渡してきた。
Ａ子「どうして私が、そんな知らない人にまで相談しなきゃ
いけないの。あなたが直接相談したらいいじゃない。」
夫 「俺が心配なのは、お前のほうだ。○○○のことで、ずっ
と悩み続けてるじゃないか。だから、そのことをＢさんに相談
したんだ。」
Ａ子「私に問題があるっていうの？私が悩むのは当然よ！
親なんだから。あなたは一日中トラックに乗ってりゃいいん
だから気楽よね。実際に○○○を育ててるのは私なんだから
ね。あなたはいっしょに悩んでもくれない。そのＢさんに相
談なんてしないわ。どうせその人も、子育てのことは何も分か
らないに決まってるわ。」
そう言ってＡ子は、その名刺をテーブルの上に投げた。
しかし、昨日の出来事（近所の奥さんから聞いた話）があっ
て、Ａ子はすっかり落ち込み、わらをもすがるような気持ち
になっていた。
「こんな辛い思いをするのはイヤだ。誰でもいいから、助け
てほしい。」
そう思ったときに、Ｂ氏のことを思い出したのだ。
幸い名刺はすぐに見つかった。
息子が学校に行って１時間くらい経ったころ、意を決してＢ氏
に電話をかけた。その時Ａ子は、その日に起きる驚くべき出来
事を、想像だにしていなかった。
受付の女性が出て、Ｂ氏に取り次いでくれた。
Ａ子は自分の名前を告げたものの、電話に出てきたＢ氏の声が
とても明るかったので、「こんな悩み事を相談してもいいの
か？」という気持ちになった。次の言葉がなかなか見つからな
かったのだが、Ｂ氏のほうから声をかけてきてくれた。
「もしかして□□君の奥さんですか？」
「はい、そうなんです。」
「あー、そうでしたか。はじめまして。」
「あのー、主人から何か聞かれてますか？」
「はい。ご主人から少し聞きました。息子さんのことで悩ま
れてるとか。」
「相談に乗っていただいていいのでしょうか？」
「今１時間くらいなら時間がありますので、よかったら、こ
の電話で話を聞かせてください。」
Ａ子は、自分の息子がいじめられたり、仲間はずれにされて
いることを簡単に話した。そして、前日にあった出来事も。
ひととおり聞いて、Ｂ氏は口を開いた。
「それは辛い思いをされてますね。親としては、こんな辛い
ことはないですよね。」その一言を聞いて、Ａ子の目から涙
があふれてきた。
Ａ子が泣き始めたのに気づいたＢ氏は、Ａ子が落ち着くのを
待って続けた。
「奥さん、もしあなたが、本気でこのことを解決なさりたい
なら、それは、おそらく、難しいことじゃありませんよ。」
Ａ子は、「難しいことじゃない」という言葉が信じられなかっ
た。自分が何年も悩んで解決できないことだったからだ。
だけど、Ｂ氏の言葉が本当であってほしいと願う気持ちも
あった。
「もし解決できるなら、何だってやります。私は本気です。
だけど、何をやれば解決するんですか？」
Ｂ氏「では、それを探りましょう。まず、はっきりしているこ
とは、あなたが、誰か身近な人を責めているということです。」
Ａ子「えっ？どういうことですか？」
Ｂ氏「話が飛躍しすぎてますよね。まず理論的なことをじっく
り説明してから話せばいいんでしょうが、それをすると何時間
もかかるし、私もそこまでは時間がないのです。
なので、結論から話します。理論的には根拠のある話なんで、
後で、参考になる心理学の本など教えます。
結論から言います。
あなたが大事なお子さんを人から責められて悩んでいるという
ことは、あなたが、誰か感謝すべき人に感謝せずに、その人を
責めて生きているからなんです。」
Ａ子「子どもがいじめられるということと、私の個人的なこと
が、なぜ関係があるんですか？何か宗教じみた話に聞こえます。」
Ｂ氏「そう思われるのも、無理もないです。われわれは学校
教育で、目に見えるものを対象にした物質科学ばかりを教えら
れて育ちましたからね。今、私が話していることは、心理学で
はずいぶん前に発見された法則なんです。昔から宗教で言われ
てきたことと同じようなものだと思ってもらったらわかりやす
いと思います。私自身は何の宗教にも入っていませんけどね。」
Ａ子「その心理学の話を教えてください。」
Ｂ氏「現実に起きる出来事は、一つの『結果』です。『結果』
には必ず『原因』があるのです。つまり、あなたの人生の現実
は、あなたの心を映し出した鏡だと思ってもらうといいと思い
ます。例えば、鏡を見ることで、『あっ、髪型がくずれてい
る！』とか『あれ？今日は私、顔色が悪いな』って気づくこと
がありますよね。
鏡がないと、自分の姿に気づくことができないですよね。
ですから、人生を鏡だと考えてみて下さい。
人生という鏡のおかげで、私たちは自分の姿に気づき、自分を
変えるきっかけを得ることができるのです。
人生は、どこまでも自分を成長させていけるようにできているのです。」
Ａ子「私の悩みは、私の何が映し出されているのですか？」
Ｂ氏「あなたに起きている結果は、『自分の大切なお子さん
が、人から責められて困っている』ということです。
考えられる原因は、あなたが『大切にすべき人を、責めてし
まっている』ということです。感謝すべき人、それも身近な
人を、あなた自身が責めているのではないですか？一番身近な
人といえば、ご主人に対してはどうですか？」
Ａ子「主人には感謝しています。トラックの運転手として働い
てくれているおかげで、家族が食べていけてるのですから。」
Ｂ氏「それは何よりです。では、ご主人を大切にしておられま
すか？尊敬しておられますか？」
Ａ子は、「尊敬」という言葉を聞いたときに、ギクッとした。
Ａ子は、日ごろから夫のことを、どこか軽蔑しているところが
あったからだ。Ａ子から見て、楽観的な性格の夫は、「思慮の
浅い人」に見えた。
また、「教養のない人」にも見えた。
たしかに、Ａ子は四年制の大学を卒業しているが、夫は高卒である。
また、それだけではなく、夫は言葉ががさつで、本も週刊誌く
らいしか読まない。読書が趣味のＡ子としては、息子に、「夫
のようになってほしくない」という思いがあったのだ。
Ａ子は、そのこともＢ氏に話した。
Ｂ氏「『人間の価値は教養や知識や思慮深さで決まる』と思っ
ておられますか？」
Ａ子「いえ、決してそんなふうには思いません。人それぞれ強
みや持ち味があると思います」
Ｂ氏「では、なぜご主人に対して、『教養がない』ことを理由
に軽蔑してしまうんでしょうね。」
Ａ子「うーーーん。私の中に矛盾がありますね。」
Ｂ氏「ご主人との関係は、どうなんですか？」
Ａ子「主人の言動には、よく腹が立ちます。喧嘩になることも
あります。」
Ｂ氏「息子さんの件で、ご主人とはどうですか？」
Ａ子「息子がいじめられていることは、いつもグチっぽく主人
に言っています。ただ、主人の意見やアドバイスは受け入れら
れないので、主人にちゃんと相談したことはありません。おそ
らく、私にとって主人は、一番受け入れられないタイプなん
だと思います。」
Ｂ氏「なるほど。もう一つ根本的な原因がありそうですね。
ご主人を受け入れるよりも前に、そっちを解決する必要があります。」
Ａ子「根本的な原因ですか？」
Ｂ氏「はい、あなたがご主人を受け入れることができない根本
的な原因を探る必要があります。ちょっと伺いますが、ご自分
のお父様に感謝しておられますか？」
Ａ子「えっ？父ですか？そりゃもちろん感謝してますが・・・」
Ｂ氏「お父様に対して『許せない』という思いを、心のどこか
に持っていませんか？」
Ａ子は、この「許せない」という言葉にひっかかった。
たしかに自分は父を許していないかもしれない、そう思った。
親として感謝しているつもりであったが、父のことは好きにな
れなかった。
結婚して以降も、毎年の盆・正月は、実家に顔を見せに家族で
帰っている。
しかし、父とは、ほとんど挨拶ていどの会話しかしていない。
思えば、高校生のころから、父とは他人行儀な付き合いしかし
てこなかった。
Ａ子「父を許してないと思います。だけど、父を許すことはで
きないと思います。」
Ｂ氏「そうなんですね。じゃあ、ここまでにしますか？お役に
立てなかったとしたら、申し訳ありません。それとも、何か
やってみますか？」
Ａ子「私の悩みの原因が、本当に父や主人に関係しているんで
しょうか？」
Ｂ氏「それは、やってみたらわかると思いますよ。」
Ａ子「わかりました。何をやったらよいか教えてください。」
Ｂ氏「では、今から教えることをまずやってみてください。
お父様に対する『許せない』という思いを存分に紙に書きな
ぐって下さい。怒りをぶつけるような文書で。
『バカヤロー』とか『コノヤロー』とか『大嫌い！』とか、そ
んな言葉もＯＫです。具体的な出来事を思い出したら、その出
来事も書いて、『その時、私はこんな気持ちだったんだ』って
ことも書いてみてください。恨みつらみをすべて文章にして、
容赦なく紙にぶつけてください。気がすむまでやることです。
充分に気がすんだら、また電話下さい。携帯の番号も教えてお
きます。」
Ａ子にとって、そのことが、息子の問題の解決に役立つのかど
うかは疑問だった。しかし、それを疑って何もしないよりも、
可能性があるならやってみようと思った。
Ａ子は、「今の悩みを解決できるなら、どんなことでもしよ
う」と思っていた。それに、Ｂ氏の話には、根拠はわからない
が、不思議な説得力を感じた。
Ａ子は電話を切ると、レポート用紙を持ってきて、父に対する
思いを、思いつくままに書き始めた。
自分が子どものころは、なにかと口やかましい父だった。
夕食が説教の時間になることも多かった。
また、子ども達（Ａ子と兄弟）が自分の思い通りにならない
と、すぐに大声で怒鳴りつける、そんな父だった。
「お父さんは、私の気持ちなんか興味ないんだ！」と、そう思
うことも多かった。お酒を飲んだ時に、仕事のグチを言うとこ
ろもイヤだった。また、建設会社で現場監督をしていた父は、
砂や土で汚れた仕事着で帰って来て、そのまま食事をすること
が多かったが、それもイヤだった。
Ａ子は、父に対しての気持ちを文章にしていった。
気がついたら、父に対して「人でなし！」とか「あんたに親の
資格なんかない！」とか、かなり過激な言葉もたくさん書いていた。
ある出来事も思い出した。
自分が高校生のころ、クラスメイトの男の子と日曜日にデート
をしたことがあった。その男の子と歩いているところを、たま
たま父に目撃され、後で問いただされて説教されたことがあった。
両親には、「女の子の友達と遊ぶ」と嘘をついていたのだが、
父はその嘘を許せないようだった。その時の、父の言葉は今も
覚えている。
「親に嘘をつくくらい後ろめたい付き合い方をしているのか！
お前は、ろくな女にはならん！」
思い出しているうちに悔し涙が出てきた。
悔しさも文章にした。
「お父さんがそんな性格だから、嘘もつきたくなるんでしょ！
自分に原因があることも分からないの？それに『ろくな女にな
らない』って、なんてひどい言葉なの。私がどのくらい傷つい
たか知らないんでしょう！あんたこそ、ろくな親じゃない！
あれから私は、お父さんに心を開かなくなったのよ。自業自得よ！」
書きながら、涙が止まらなかった。
気がついたら、正午を回っていた。
書き始めて２時間近く経っていた。
十数枚のレポート用紙に、怒りを込めた文章が書きなぐってあった。
容赦なく書いたせいか、それとも、思いっ切り泣いたせいか、
気持ちがずいぶん軽くなっていた。
Ａ子は、午後１時を回ったところで、Ｂ氏に電話をした。
Ｂ氏「お父様をゆるす覚悟はできましたか？」
Ａ子「正直なところ、その覚悟まではできていないかもしれません。
だけど、できることは何でもやってみようと思います。ゆるせ
るものなら、ゆるして楽になりたいとも思います。」
Ｂ氏「では、やってみましょう。お父様をゆるすのは、他でも
ない、あなた自身の自由のためにゆるすんです。紙を用意して
ください。そして、上の方に『父に感謝できること』というタ
イトルを書いてください。
さて、お父様に対して感謝できるとしたら、どんなことがありますか？」
Ａ子「それは、まず、働いて養ってくれたことですね。父が働
いて稼いでくれたおかげで、家族も食べていけたわけですし、
私も育ててもらえたわけです。」
Ｂ氏「それを紙に書き留めて下さい。他にもありますか？」
Ａ子「うーーーん。私が小学生のころ、よく公園に連れていっ
て遊んでくれましたね。」
Ｂ氏「それも書き留めておいて下さい。他には？」
Ａ子「それくらいでしょうか。」
Ｂ氏「では、別の紙を用意して『父に謝りたいこと』ってタイ
トルを書いてください。さて、お父様に謝りたいことは、何か
ありますか？」
Ａ子「特に浮かびませんが、あえて言えば、『心の中で反発し
続けたこと』でしょうか。ただ、心から謝りたいという気持ち
にはなれませんが。」
Ｂ氏「実感がともなわなくてもＯＫです。形から入りますか
ら。とりあえず、今おっしゃったことを書き留めてください。」
Ａ子「書き留めました。で、形から入るといいますと、何を
やればいいのですか？」
Ｂ氏「いいですか、今から勇気の出しどころです。もしかした
ら、あなたの人生で、一番勇気を使う場面かもしれません。
私が提案することは、あなたにとって、最も抵抗したくなる行
動かもしれない。実行するかどうかは自分で判断して下さいね。
今から、お父様に電話をかけて、感謝の言葉とあやまる言葉を
伝えるのです。実感が湧いてこなかったら、用意した言葉を伝
えるだけでもＯＫです。『父に感謝できること』と『父にあや
まりたいこと』の２つの紙に書き留めたことを、読んで伝える
だけでＯＫです。
伝えたら、すぐに電話を切ってもらってかまいません。
やってみますか？」
Ａ子「・・・・・。たしかに、今までの人生で使ったことがな
いくらい、勇気を使わないとできませんね。でも、これが私の
悩みの解決に役立つなら、それだけの勇気を使う価値はあるん
だ思います。だけど、難しいですねー。」
Ｂ氏「やるかやらないかは、ご自分で決めてくださいね。
私も、一生に一度の勇気を使う価値はあるとおもいますけど。
それから私は、次の予定がありますので、このあたりで失礼し
ます。もし実行されたらご連絡下さい。次のステップをお教えします。」
Ａ子にとって救いなのは、「形だけでいい」ということだった。
「謝る」ということについては、気持ちがともなわない。
「悪いのは父親の方だ」という思いがあるから、自分が謝るの
は筋違いだと思う。だけど、書き留めた文章を棒読みするくら
いならできそうだ。それならば、やってみた方がいいに決まっ
ている、と思えた。Ａ子は「電話をかけよう」という気になってきた。
そして、電話をかけようとしている自分が、不思議だった。
こんなきっかけでもなかったら、Ａ子が父親と電話で話すとい
うことは、一生なかったかもしれない。結婚して間もないころ
は、実家に電話をして父が電話に出たときは、すぐさま「私だ
けど、お母さんにかわって」と言っていた。
しかし今は、「私だけど」と言っただけで、父の「おーい、Ａ
子から電話だぞ」と母を呼ぶ声がする。父も「Ａ子から自分に
用事があるはずない」ということわかっているのだ。
しかし、今日は電話で父と話すのだ。
「躊躇していたら、ますます電話をかけにくくなる」と思った
Ａ子は、意を決してすぐに電話をかけた。
電話に出たのは、母だった。
Ａ子「私だけど」
母 「あら、Ａ子じゃない。元気にしてる？」
Ａ子「うん、まあね。・・・ねえお母さん、お父さんいる？」
母 「えっ？お父さん？あなたお父さんに用なの？」
Ａ子「う、うん。ちょっとね。」
母 「まあ、それは珍しいことね。ねえ、お父さんに何の用なの？」
Ａ子「えっ？えーと、ちょっと変な話なんだけど説明するとや
やこしいから、お父さんにかわってくれる？」
母 「わかった、ちょっと待ってね。」
父が出てくるまでの数秒間、Ａ子の緊張は極度に高まった。
すっと父のことを嫌ってきた。
父に心を開くことを拒んできた。
その父に、感謝の言葉を伝え、あやまるのだ。
ふつうに考えて、できっこない。
しかし、息子のことで悩みぬいたＡ子にとって、その悩みが深
刻であるがゆえに、ふつうだったらできそうにない行動を取っ
ているのだった。もしも、その悩みから解放される可能性があ
るなら、わらにもすがりたいし、どんなことでもする。
その思いが、Ａ子を今回の行動に向かわせたのだ。
父 「な、なんだ？ わしに用事か？」
Ａ子は、自分では何を言っているかわからないくらいパニック
しながら話し始めた。
Ａ子「あっ、あのー、私、今まで言わなかったんだけど、言っ
といたほうがいいかなーと思って電話したんだけど、・・・
えーと、お父さん、現場の仕事けっこう大変だったと思うのよ。
お父さんが頑張って働いてくれて、私も育ててもらったわけだし。
あのー、私が子どものころ、公園とかも連れて行ってくれたじゃない。
なんていうか、『ありがたい』っていうか、感謝みたいなこと
言ったことないと思うのよ。それで、一度ちゃんと言っておき
たいなと思って、・・・。それから私、心の中で、けっこうお
父さんに反発してたし、それもあやまりたいなと思ったの。」
ちゃんと「ありがとう」とは言えなかったし、「ごめんなさ
い」とも言えなかった。だけど、言うべきことは一応伝えた。
父の言葉を聞いたら、早く電話を切ろう。そう思った。
しかし、父から言葉が返ってこない。
『何か一言でも言ってくれないと、電話が切れないじゃない』
そう思った時に、受話器から聞こえてきたのは、母の声だった。
母「Ａ子！あなた、お父さんに何を言ったの？」
Ａ子「えっ？」
母「お父さん、泣き崩れてるじゃないの！何かひどいこと言っ
たんでしょ！」
受話器から、父が嗚咽する声が聞こえてきた。
Ａ子はショックで呆然とした。
生まれて以来、父が泣く声を一度も聞いたことはなかった。
父はそんな強い存在だった。
その父のむせび泣く声が聞こえてくる。
自分が形ばかりの感謝を伝えたことで、あの強かった父が嗚咽
しているのだ。
父が泣く声を聞いていて、Ａ子の目からも涙があふれてきた。
父は私のことをもっともっと愛したかったんだ。
親子らしい会話もたくさんしたかったに違いない。
だけど私はずっと、父の愛を拒否してきた。
父は寂しかったんだ。
仕事でどんなに辛いことがあっても耐えていた強い父が、今、
泣き崩れている。
娘に愛が伝わらなかったことが、そんなに辛いことだったんだ。
Ａ子の涙も嗚咽へと変わっていった。
しばらくして、また母の声。
母「Ａ子！もう落ち着いた？説明してくれる？」
Ａ子「お母さん、もう一度、お父さんにかわってくれる？」
父が電話に出る。
父「（涙声で）Ａ子、すまなかった。わしは、いい父親じゃな
かった。お前にはいっぱいイヤな思いをさせた。うっ、うっ、
うっ、（ふたたび嗚咽）」
Ａ子「お父さん。ごめんなさい。私こそ悪い娘でごめんなさ
い。そして、私を育ててくれてありがとう。うっ、うっ、うっ
（ふたたび嗚咽）」少し間をおいて、再び母の声。
母「何が起きたの？また、落ち着いたら説明してね。
一旦、電話切るよ。」
Ａ子は、電話を切ってからも、しばらく呆然としていた。
２０年以上もの間、父を嫌ってきた。
ずっと父を許せなかった。
自分だけが被害者だと思っていた。
自分は父の一面だけにとらわれて、別の面に目を向けようとは
しなかった。父の愛、父の弱さ、父の不器用さ、・・・これら
が見えていなかった。父はどれだけ辛い思いをしてきたんだろう。
自分は父に、どれだけ辛い思いをさせてきたんだろう。
いろいろな思いが巡った。
「まずは、形から入ればＯＫです。気持ちは、ついてきますか
ら。」と言ったＢ氏の言葉の意味が、ようやく分かりかけてきた。
「あと１時間くらいで、○○○（息子）が帰ってくるな」
そう思った時に、電話が鳴った。
出てみるとＢ氏であった。
Ｂ氏「どーも、Ｂです。今、40～50分くらい時間ができたので
電話しました。さっきは、次の予定が入ってたので、お話の途
中で電話を切ったような気がしまして。」
Ａ子「実は私、父に電話したんです。電話して本当によかった
です。ありがとうございました。Ｂさんのおかげです。」
Ａ子は、父とどんな話をしたかを簡単に説明した。
Ｂ氏「そうでしたか。勇気を持って行動されて、よかったですね。」
Ａ子「私にとって、息子がいじめられてることが最大の問題だ
と思っていましたが、長年父を許していなかったことの方が、
よほど大きな問題だったという気がします。息子の問題のおか
げで父と和解できたんだと思うと、息子の問題があってよか
ったのかな、という気すらします。」
Ｂ氏「息子さんについてのお悩みを、そこまで前向きに捉える
ことができるようになったんですね。潜在意識の法則というの
がありましてね、それを学ぶと次のようなことがわかるんです。
実は、人生で起こるどんな問題も、何か大切なことを気づかせ
てくれるために起こるんです。つまり偶然起こるのではなく
て、起こるべくして必然的に起こるんです。ということは、自
分に解決できない問題は決して起こらないのです。
起きる問題は、すべて自分が解決できるから起きるのであり、
前向きで愛のある取り組みさえすれば、後で必ず『あの問題が
起きてよかった。そのおかげで・・・』と言えるような恩恵を
もたらすのです。」
Ａ子「そうなんですね。ただ、息子の問題自体は何も解決して
いないので、それを思うと不安になります。」
Ｂ氏「息子さんのことは、まったく未解決なままだと思ってお
られるんですね。
もしかしたら、解決に向けて大きく前進されたのかもしれませんよ。
心の世界はつながっていますからね。
原因を解決すれば、結果は変わるしかないのです。」
Ａ子「本当に息子の問題は解決するんでしょうか？」
Ｂ氏「それは、あなた次第だと思いますよ。さて、ここで少し
整理してみましょうか。あなたにとって、息子さんのことで一
番辛いのは、息子さんが心を開いてくれないことでしたね。親
として、何もしてやれないことが情けなくて辛いとおっしゃい
ましたね。その辛さをこれ以上味わいたくないと。」
Ａ子「はい、そうです。いじめられてることを相談もしてくれ
ない。私は力になりたいのに、『ほっといて！』って拒否され
てしまう。無力感を感じます。子どもの寂しさが分かるだけ
に、親として、何もしてやれないほど辛いことはありません。」
Ｂ氏「本当に辛いことでしょうね。ところで、その辛さは、誰
が味わっていた辛さなのか、もうお解かりですよね。」
Ａ子「えっ？誰がって・・・（しばらく沈黙）」
その時、Ａ子の脳裏に父の顔が浮かんだ。
そうか！この耐えがたい辛さは、長年父が味わい続けたであろう辛さだ。
娘が心を開いてくれない辛さ。
娘から拒否される辛さ。
親として何もしてやれない辛さ。
私の辛さといっしょだ。
この辛さを、父は２０年以上も味わい続けたのか。
Ａ子のほほを涙が伝った。
Ａ子「わかりました。私は、私の父と同じ辛さを味わっていたんですね。
こんなに辛かったんですね。父が嗚咽したのも分かります。」
Ｂ氏「人生で起こる問題は、私たちに大事なことを気づかせる
べく起こるんです。」
Ａ子「あらためて父の辛さが解かりました。息子のおかげで、
解かることができたんだと思います。息子が私に心を開いてく
れなかったおかげで。」
Ｂ氏「息子さんもお父様もあなたも、心の底ではつながってい
ます。お父様に対するあなたのスタンスを、あなたに対して息
子さんが演じてくれたのです。そのおかげで、あなたは気づく
ことができた。」
Ａ子「息子にも感謝したいです。『大事なことに気づかせてく
れて、ありがとう』って気持ちです。今まで、『どうしてお母
さんに話してくれないの？』って心の中で息子を責めていました。」
Ｂ氏「今なら、息子さんの気持ちも理解できますか？」
Ａ子「そうか！私が子どものころ、口うるさい父がイヤでし
た。いろいろ口出ししてきたりするのがイヤでした。
今考えてみれば、それも父の愛情からだったんでしょうが、当
時は負担でしたね。今、息子も同じ思いなんだと思います。私
の押し付けがましい愛情が負担なんだと思います。」
Ｂ氏「あなたが子どものころ、本当はお父さんに、どんな親で
いてほしかったんでしょうね？」
Ａ子「私を信頼してほしかった。『Ａ子なら大丈夫！』って信
頼してほしかったです。・・・（しばらく沈黙）。
私、息子を信頼していなかったと思います。
『私が手助けしないと、この子は問題を解決できない』と思っ
ていました。それで、あれこれ問いただしたり、説教した
り、・・・。もっと息子を信頼してあげたいです。」
Ｂ氏「あなたは、お父様の辛さも理解し、息子さんの辛さも理
解されましたね。では次に、ご主人とのことに移りましょう。
朝お電話をいただいた時に、『あなたの大切な息子さんが人か
ら責められてしまう原因は、あなたが身近な誰かを責めてし
まっていることです』とお話したのを覚えていますか？」
Ａ子「はい、覚えています。主人を尊敬できないという話をしました。」
Ｂ氏「ではもう一度、ご主人に対してどんなふうに感じておら
れるか、話してもらえますか？」
Ａ子「どうしても、主人に対して、『教養のない人』とか『思
慮の浅い人』というふうに見てしまうんです。息子のことにし
ても、私がこれだけ悩んでるのに、根拠なく楽観的なんです。
それで主人に対しては、グチこそはぶつけますが、ちゃんと相
談したりすることはありません。
主人がアドバイスなどしてきても受け付けられないんです。」
ここまで話しながらＡ子は、自分の夫に対するスタンスが、父
親に対して取ってきたスタンスに似ていることに気がついた。
Ａ子「私が父に対して取ってきたスタンスと似てますね。」
Ｂ氏「そうなんです。女性の場合、父親に対してとってきたス
タンスが、ご主人に対してのスタンスに投影されることが多い
んです。ところで、お聞きしていると、ご主人は息子さんのこ
とを信頼されているようですね。」
Ａ子「あっ、そうですね！そうか、主人のそういうところを見
習うべきだったんですね。息子は主人に対しては、けっこう本
音を言っているみたいなんです。息子は信頼されてると思うか
ら、主人には心を開くんですね。私は主人のよいところをまっ
たく見ていませんでした。」
Ｂ氏「なるほど、そんなことを感じられたんですね。
さて、では宿題を差し上げます。やるかどうかは自分で決めて
くださいね。
今日の午後、『父に感謝できること』と
父に謝りたいこと』という２種類の紙を作ってもらいましたよ
ね。その紙に、お父様に感謝できることと謝りたいことを、書
き出せるだけ書き出して下さい。
紙は何枚使ってもＯＫです。それが終わったら、もう一つ紙を
用意してください。その紙のタイトルは、『父に対して、どの
ような考え方で接したらよかったのか？』です。これは過去の
お父様との関係を後悔するために書くのではありません。これ
からのご主人との接し方のヒントが見つかるはずです。
そしてもう一つ、息子さんが夜眠られたら、息子さんの寝顔を
見ながら、心の中で息子さんに『ありがとう』を100回ささや
きかけてください。どうですか、やってみたいですか」
Ａ子「はい、必ずやってみます。」
電話を切って間もなく、息子が帰ってきた。
息子はランドセルを玄関に投げると、いつものようにグローブ
とボールを持って、公園に行った。『昨日、友達に追い出され
たというのに、この子は、また公園に行くの？』Ａ子の心は心
配な気持ちでいっぱいになった。Ａ子は、その心配な気持ちを
まぎらわすように、宿題に取りかかった。
父に対して感謝できることがたくさん思い浮かんだ。
・現場監督のきつい仕事を続けて、家族を養ってくれた。
・私が子どものころ、夜中に高熱を出したことが何度かあった
が、その都度、車で救急病院まで連れて行ってくれた。
（肉体労働をしていた父にとって、夜中はしんどかったはず）
・私が子どものころ、よく海や川に連れて行ってくれて、泳ぎ
を教えてくれた。
・子どものころ私はメロンが好きだったが、毎年の私の誕生日
には、メロンを買って帰って来てくれた。
・子どものころ近所のいじめっ子にいじめられていたことが
あったが、その子の家に抗議しに行ってくれた。
・私は私立大学に入ったが、文句を言わず学費を出してくれ
た。（当時のわが家にとって、大きな負担だったはず）
・私の就職先が決まった時に、寿司を出前で取ってくれた。
（とても豪華な寿司だった。その時私は「寿司は好きじゃな
い」と言って食べなかった。父はしょんぼりしていた）
・嫁入り道具に、高価な桐のタンスを買ってくれた。
「感謝したいこと」に連鎖して「謝りたいこと」も浮かんできた。
「感謝したいこと」と「謝りたいこと」を書きながら、涙が浮
かんできた。
「私は、こんなにも愛されていた。
反発する私を、愛し続けてくれていたんだ。
許せないという思いにとらわれていたから、その愛に気づかな
かったんだ。
そして、こんなにも愛してもらいながら、私は父に何もしてあ
げてない。親孝行らしいこともほとんどしていない。」
自分が父親の仕事を尊敬していなかったことにも気づいた。
父親の現場監督の仕事に対して、「品がない」とか「知的でな
い」とか思っていた。父親が仕事を頑張り続けてくれたおかげ
で、自分は大学まで行かせてもらえたのに。
そのことを初めて気づいた。
父親の仕事に対して、尊敬心と感謝を感じた。
そして今、自分の夫の仕事に対して、「知的でない」というイ
メージを持っている。自分の夫に対する「教養がない」という
嫌悪感をともなうイメージは、父に対して持っていたイメージ
とそっくりである。自分は、夫に対しても感謝できることがた
くさんあるはずだ。そんなことを考えながら、続いて、「父に
対して、どのような考え方で接したらよかったのか？」という
タイトルの紙を用意した。
これについては、すぐに文章が浮かんできた。
「父の言動の奥にある愛情に気づくこと。
自分が不完全な人間であるように、父も不完全で不器用な人間
であることを理解すること。してもらっていることに感謝をすること。
愛してもらうだけではなくて、自分から愛すること（父を喜ば
そうとすること）。
そしてその上で、イヤなことはイヤと伝えて、おたがいが居心
地いい関係を築くこと。」
これはまさに、これから夫に対してするべき考え方だ、と思った。
働いてくれている夫。
自分の人生のパートナーでい続けてくれている夫。
自分は夫に対して感謝することを忘れていた。
夫に対して、こんなに素直な考え方ができるのは初めてかもしれない。
これは父に感謝できたことと関係があるのかもしれない。
今日は夫に感謝の言葉を伝えよう。そんなことを考えているう
ちに、外が薄暗くなりかけていることにＡ子は気がついた。
思えば、今日は家事らしきことをほとんどしていない。
朝の９時ごろB氏に電話してから、１日中自分と向き合っていた。
「晩ご飯の用意、どうしよう？」
そう思った時に、息子が帰ってきた。
息子「ねえ、お母さん聞いてよ！」
Ａ子「どうしたの？何かいいことあったの？」
息子「Ｃ君知ってるでしょ。実は昨日、Ｃ君に公園でボールぶ
つけられたんだ。」
Ａ子「あっ、あー、そうなの。Ｃ君って、あなたを一番いじめ
る子だよね。」
息子「さっき公園から帰ろうとしたらＣ君が公園に来てさー。
で、『いつもいじめててごめんな』って言ってくれたんだ。」
Ａ子は「そうだったの！」と言いながら、まるで奇跡でも体験
しているような気持ちになった。そして、心から感謝の気持ち
が湧いてきたのだった。Ａ子は、夕食の準備をするより息子と
話そうと思い、出前を取った。出前が届くまでの間、Ａ子は息
子に次のようなことを伝えた。
「今まで、あなたのことに口出しをし過ぎてごめんね。これか
らは、なるべく口やかましくしないように気をつけるからね。
そして、お母さんの助けが必要な時は、いつでも遠慮なく相談
してね。あなたのことを信頼してるからね。」
息子は本当に嬉しそうな顔をして、「わかった、ありがとう」
と答えた。
やはり息子は、母親に信頼してもらいたかったのだ。
「今日は、なんか変だなー。いいことが続くなー。」と息子が続けた。
Ａ子も幸せな気持ちになった。
間もなく出前が届いた。
Ａ子「お母さんは、お父さんが帰ってくるのを待つから、先に
食べてね。」
息子「えっ？どうしたの？いつもは先に食べるのに。」
Ａ子「今日は、お父さんといっしょに食べたい気分なのよ。
お父さん、お仕事頑張ってくれて、疲れて帰ってくるからね。
一人で冷めた親子丼たべるの、寂しいでしょ。」
息子「じゃー、僕もお父さんといっしょに食べる！三人で食べ
る方が楽しいでしょ。」
Ａ子「ほんとうにあなたは優しい子ね。お父さんに似たのね。」
息子「なんか変だなー。いつもお父さんのことを、『デリカ
シーがない』とか言ってるのに。」
Ａ子「そうよね。お母さんが間違ってたのよ。お父さんは、優
しくて男らしくてたくましくて、・・・男の中の男よ。」
息子「勉強しないと、お父さんのような仕事くらいしかできな
くなっちゃうんでしょ？」
Ａ子「ごめんね、それもお母さんが間違ってたのよ。お父さん
の仕事は立派な仕事。世の中の役に立ってるのよ。それに、お
父さんが働いてくれてるおかげで、こうやってご飯食べたりで
きるんだからね。お父さんの仕事に感謝しようね。」
息子「お母さん、本当にそう思う？」
Ａ子「うん、思うよ。」
Ａ子がそう言った時の息子の笑顔は、その日で一番嬉しそうな
笑顔だった。
子どもは本来、親を尊敬し、親をモデルして成長する。
Ａ子の言葉は、息子に対して、「お父さんを尊敬してもいい
よ」という許可を与えたことになる。息子はそのことが何より
も嬉しかったのだ。
しばらくして夫が帰って来て、三人で冷めた親子丼を食べた。
自分の帰りを待っていてくれたことが嬉しかったのか、夫も上
機嫌だった。冷めた親子丼を「うまい、うまい」と言いながら
食べていた。
夫が風呂に入っている間に、息子が眠りについた。
Ａ子は息子の寝顔を見ながら、心の中で「ありがとう」を唱え始めた。
その言葉の影響なのか、心の底から感謝の気持ちが湧いてきた。
『この子のせいで私は悩まされてると思ってきたけど、この子
のおかげで大切なことに気づけた。本当は、この子に導かれた
のかもしれない。』そう思っていると、息子が天使のように見えた。
いつの間にか、涙があふれてきた。
（ほんとに今日は、よく泣く日である）
間もなく電話が鳴った。
出てみるとＦＡＸであった。
母の字で次のようなことが書いてあった。
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ａ子へ
今日のことお父さんから聞きました。
お父さん、話しながら泣いていました。
お母さんも嬉しくて涙が出ました。
お父さんは、「７０年間生きてきて、今日が一番嬉しい日だ」
と言っています。晩ご飯の時に、いつもお酒を飲むお父さん
が、「酒に酔ってしまって、この嬉しい気持ちが味わえんかっ
たらもったいない」と言って、今日はお酒を飲みませんでした。
次は、いつ帰ってきますか。
楽しみにしています。
母より
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
「晩酌を欠かしたことがない父が、お酒を飲まなかったなんて。」
自分が伝えた言葉が、父の心をどんなにか幸せな気持ちで満た
したのであろう。Ａ子の目からは、またもや涙があふれていた。
「どうした？泣いてるのか？」
風呂から出てきた夫が聞いてきた。
Ａ子は、その日起きたことをすべて話した。
朝、Ｂ氏に電話をかけたこと。
午前中は、父への恨みつらみを紙に書きなぐったこと。
午後、父に電話して和解したこと。
「そうか、お父さんも泣いてはったか。」
夫も、目に涙を浮かべながら聞いてくれた。
そして、息子がいじめっ子から謝られたこと。
「ふーん、不思議なこともあるもんやな。Ｂさんのやり方は、
俺にはよくわからんけど、おまえも楽になったみたいでよかったな。」
続けてＡ子は、泣きながら夫に謝った。
そして夫も、泣きながら聞いたのだった。
次の日、Ａ子はＢ氏に報告して、心からのお礼を伝えた。
朝一番で夫からも電話を入れていたようだ。
Ｂ氏「ご主人からも電話もらいました。お役に立てて何よりです。
あなたの勇気と行動力を尊敬します。
さて、これからが大切です。
毎日、お父さまとご主人と息子さんに対して、心の中で『あり
がとうございます』という言葉を１００回ずつ唱える時間を
持って下さい。」
その日の夕方のことである。
「ただいま！」元気な声で息子が帰って来た。
「お母さん、聞いて！今日ね、友達から野球に誘われたんだ！
今から行ってくるから！」
息子はグローブを持って飛び出していった。
Ａ子の目には、またもや涙がにじんでいた。
声が詰まって、「行ってらっしゃい」の一言が言えなかった。
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問題を解決する前に自分を見つめなおして原因を見つける…すごい発想かつとても効果的のようですね！Ｂ氏すごいです。
出張頑張って下さいねぇ～ε==（ノ´▽｀）
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